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Kara:
I do not. One thing that often happened when I discovered the church wasn't what I was taught, is I felt like I'd been lied to. I had put so much faith and trust in the LDS church and it's leaders, blind faith at times. Now I feel like I was duped or conned, so I am very skeptical of any other religions, groups, or even outspoken leaders.
Jesus as a person, yes. Jesus as a God, no, unless each of us is a God as well. As I mentioned above, I'm skeptical. I definitely don't view them through the Mormon lens. If there is a "God" I don't jive with the idea of him being a man in human form. I'm agnostic but if there is a divine being, I view it as more of a greater consciousness that anyone can tap into for inspiration, peace, and guidance in life.
Kellie:
Kara:
My kids had a hard time leaving the social aspect of church. They enjoyed seeing friends each week and having some fun time away from mom. I was sensitive to the changes for them and made sure to keep an open discussion about how they were feeling.
I see this as part of my journey to being the person I want to be. The church was my whole life for so many years and it feels like I am hiding when I don't talk openly about it. Part of this is about healing, and about being brave. It's not easy to speak up when you know it could be very hurtful to people you love. But it feels inauthentic to stay quiet. I wrote in depth about this topic here.
Kellie:
Kara:
I absolutely believed that when I was in the church, and that is EXACTLY what I did. For years and years I placed every doubt on a shelf. If I couldn't find a satisfactory answer, I dropped the question. Even outside of the church, I respect the thought of questioning doubts before you question your faith, whatever that faith may be. The change for me happened when evidence against the church became so clear that I could no longer deny there might be a problem.
Kellie:
Kara:
Even when I was in the church I was pretty liberal, but whatever conservatism the church had bred into me has now vanished. I feel badly about times that I didn't listen to my heart because the church told me I was wrong. A perfect example of this is Prop 8 in California. It felt so icky to support that proposition, but I trusted my leaders and put all my faith in them. I'm SO grateful that I don't have a third party inserting themselves into my brain space anymore. I get to make my own choices on what I believe; I get to follow my heart. It's such a relief that I don't have to try and make myself believe and support things that didn't resonate just because a church told me to.
I'd ask them why. I like to get into their heads and see where they are coming from. We live in a an area that is densely LDS so many of my kid's friends go to church. When my daughter mentioned wanting to go, she was clear that she just wanted to hang out with her friends. In that case, a playdate is all she really needs. But if they explained that there was another reason, and if I could tell it was something they really wanted, I would let them.
Kellie:
Kara:
This is one of the very best parts about leaving the church. I get to guide myself!! It's so amazing to realize that everything I need, I have inside me. When I first left the church, this was a frightening thought. I was taught that I would definitely mess up if I didn't have prophets, scriptures, and God telling me what to do. Now that I am firmly on the other side, I feel stronger than ever. I see the potential in each person and I am constantly amazed at the goodness in humanity. As a church member I never gave enough credit to myself and my ability to create a happy life. Now, to actually answer the question: first of all, I don't believe in ultimate truth so that removes a lot of the pressure. Second, I guide myself to my own truth by listening to ME. In the church we are so big on the Holy Ghost and we give him all this credit. What I've found to be true for myself is that the "spirit" is always there and it's always me. I still have the ability to get quiet, ponder and meditate over tough questions, and to come to answers that feel like that "still small voice" in my heart.
Tattoos are lumped into a greater category of "things people do to themselves." And as far as all that, I say "you do you." Like, it honestly does not matter. Personally, I don't have much of a desire for a tattoo because I'd probably get tired of it, but that's just me. Life after death remains a mystery to me. It would be really great if there was an afterlife but I'm also at peace with there being nothing. The way I see it is, it's good to come to terms with the potential of things going either way after we die. Sometimes it's fun to speculate on what life might be like after death; other times it's fun to read or listen to stories of Near Death Experiences. I haven't put too much thought into it since leaving the church. I figure life will teach me what it needs to, and the next time I deal with a death I will have an opportunity to face those big questions again.
Kellie:
Do you identify with any other religion now?
Kellie:Kara:
I do not. One thing that often happened when I discovered the church wasn't what I was taught, is I felt like I'd been lied to. I had put so much faith and trust in the LDS church and it's leaders, blind faith at times. Now I feel like I was duped or conned, so I am very skeptical of any other religions, groups, or even outspoken leaders.
Do you think Jesus and Heavenly Father exist?
Kara:Jesus as a person, yes. Jesus as a God, no, unless each of us is a God as well. As I mentioned above, I'm skeptical. I definitely don't view them through the Mormon lens. If there is a "God" I don't jive with the idea of him being a man in human form. I'm agnostic but if there is a divine being, I view it as more of a greater consciousness that anyone can tap into for inspiration, peace, and guidance in life.
Kellie:
How have your kids handled leaving the church?
Kellie:Kara:
My kids had a hard time leaving the social aspect of church. They enjoyed seeing friends each week and having some fun time away from mom. I was sensitive to the changes for them and made sure to keep an open discussion about how they were feeling.
Why do you feel a need to talk about the church?
Kara:I see this as part of my journey to being the person I want to be. The church was my whole life for so many years and it feels like I am hiding when I don't talk openly about it. Part of this is about healing, and about being brave. It's not easy to speak up when you know it could be very hurtful to people you love. But it feels inauthentic to stay quiet. I wrote in depth about this topic here.
Kellie:
Do you believe that you should doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith?
Kellie:Kara:
I absolutely believed that when I was in the church, and that is EXACTLY what I did. For years and years I placed every doubt on a shelf. If I couldn't find a satisfactory answer, I dropped the question. Even outside of the church, I respect the thought of questioning doubts before you question your faith, whatever that faith may be. The change for me happened when evidence against the church became so clear that I could no longer deny there might be a problem.
Would you still go to church functions if invited?
Kara: It depends on who is doing the inviting and what the church function is. Just like any event I am invited to, I'll consider if it's a good fit for me and my family before I commit.Kellie:
How has leaving the church affected your views on "conservative" topics (being gay, premarital sex, alcohol etc.)?
Kellie:Kara:
Even when I was in the church I was pretty liberal, but whatever conservatism the church had bred into me has now vanished. I feel badly about times that I didn't listen to my heart because the church told me I was wrong. A perfect example of this is Prop 8 in California. It felt so icky to support that proposition, but I trusted my leaders and put all my faith in them. I'm SO grateful that I don't have a third party inserting themselves into my brain space anymore. I get to make my own choices on what I believe; I get to follow my heart. It's such a relief that I don't have to try and make myself believe and support things that didn't resonate just because a church told me to.
What would you tell your children if they wanted to go to church?
Kara:I'd ask them why. I like to get into their heads and see where they are coming from. We live in a an area that is densely LDS so many of my kid's friends go to church. When my daughter mentioned wanting to go, she was clear that she just wanted to hang out with her friends. In that case, a playdate is all she really needs. But if they explained that there was another reason, and if I could tell it was something they really wanted, I would let them.
Kellie:
How do you guide yourself to know what is true?
Kellie:Kara:
This is one of the very best parts about leaving the church. I get to guide myself!! It's so amazing to realize that everything I need, I have inside me. When I first left the church, this was a frightening thought. I was taught that I would definitely mess up if I didn't have prophets, scriptures, and God telling me what to do. Now that I am firmly on the other side, I feel stronger than ever. I see the potential in each person and I am constantly amazed at the goodness in humanity. As a church member I never gave enough credit to myself and my ability to create a happy life. Now, to actually answer the question: first of all, I don't believe in ultimate truth so that removes a lot of the pressure. Second, I guide myself to my own truth by listening to ME. In the church we are so big on the Holy Ghost and we give him all this credit. What I've found to be true for myself is that the "spirit" is always there and it's always me. I still have the ability to get quiet, ponder and meditate over tough questions, and to come to answers that feel like that "still small voice" in my heart.
What are your thoughts on tattoos and life after death?
Kara:Tattoos are lumped into a greater category of "things people do to themselves." And as far as all that, I say "you do you." Like, it honestly does not matter. Personally, I don't have much of a desire for a tattoo because I'd probably get tired of it, but that's just me. Life after death remains a mystery to me. It would be really great if there was an afterlife but I'm also at peace with there being nothing. The way I see it is, it's good to come to terms with the potential of things going either way after we die. Sometimes it's fun to speculate on what life might be like after death; other times it's fun to read or listen to stories of Near Death Experiences. I haven't put too much thought into it since leaving the church. I figure life will teach me what it needs to, and the next time I deal with a death I will have an opportunity to face those big questions again.
Kellie: